Can I still call myself a new mom?

As I sit here astonished that the past 5 years have gone by so fast, I've come to realize I don't know what to call myself. With Bella's 5th birthday a mere 48 hours away, I in no way feel comfortable calling myself an experienced mom. Yes I have three kids and am immersed in the daily grind of child rearing but I don't feel experienced. I have had many experiences in my short existence as a mother but honestly don't know what I am doing on a day to day basis. I would like to believe I am an expert, not on children but MY children. Even that statement doesn't ring true daily. My children are growing and changing so rapidly that the minute I believe I have them pegged, they become a totally different person.

While enjoying time with other moms, some of them "new" I remember that feeling of "what the heck am I doing?" and "Lord, please don't let me screw up." That feeling never goes away, not yet anyway. New challenges arise everyday, sometimes every hour. I have a very strong willed, independent, fabulous little girl about to embark on the amazing and horrifying adventure that is adolescence. She is excited and fearless, I am terrified! I look at her in amazement that she is here, she is me in so many ways but completely individual.

Being a mom is such a gift, a trial and just a blessing. That God agreed to bring these amazing children to the world through me is humbling, I only hope I can bring them up safe, smart, respectful, loving and to know him. I am terrified on a daily basis with this responsibility.

This morning Darin had his blood drawn by a nurse at our kitchen table for the purpose of getting life insurance. He hadn't even had his coffee yet and Bella asked how she was going to put it back when she was finished. This nurse, mother, grandmother put my life into perspective. She had been retired for 7 years but chose to do this job to "keep her grandsons in shoes". She is a mother of 7 boys and a grandmother of 11 boys. If she can survive this thing called "motherhood" and still manage to have such joy and energy, I can surely "survive" my 3 amazing children.